Mark Twain

Mark Twain
c1907
Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division. Call number LC-USZ62-112065

Okay, so you totally know who Mark Twain was, so instead of writing yet another biography of him, I'm going to use this space for some of my favorite quotes. If you are looking for a biography, I recommend this one.

Random quotes:

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."

"Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it. "

"There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress."

"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat."

"Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it."

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

"Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society." (On second thought, this particular quotation is no longer true. Alas.)

"Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children."

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." (I did not know this was him until I ran across it online.)

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. "

"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't."

"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"Necessity is the mother of taking chances."

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

"Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. "

"Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. "

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. " (I hadn't heard this one! I was trying to explain to a friend just last week why I dislike the word "very". Now I feel smart!)

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. " (All my imaginary friends and lovers agree wholeheartedly!)

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."

Project Gutenberg (have I said how much I love Project Gutenberg lately?) has a great many of Mark Twain's works available as free ebook downloads.

Twain lithograph

"Mark Twain," America's best humorist / J. Keppler ; Mayer, Merkel & Ottman, lith.
Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division. Reproduction number LC-USZC4-4294