Fluffibutt

Welcome once again to the Cat Olympics!  Our next event is the Living Room and our first contender is the world's greatest feline athlete, FLUFFIBUTT! The young marmalade tomcat paused in the kitchen, taking his mark behind the metal strip that covered the transition between carpet and linoleum.  He crouched low, getting set.  He drew up one paw in readiness.  The tip of his tail quivered and his fluffy butt twitched in anticipation. And he's OFF! Fluffibutt shot across the living room, belly low to the floor as he picked up speed.  He ran across the room and up the curtain on the front window without pause. He's made the curtain rod!  It's a long jump from here to the entertainment center.  Can he make it? He hit the top of the entertainment center in a wild slide.  Odd DVDs scattered as he flew through them and off the other side.  The elderly lady asleep in front of the television stirred but didn't awaken. Uh oh!  He's in trouble now!  If he hits the floor he's out of it.  Can he save himself? He snagged the shade of a torchiere with one claw as he fell past.  It tipped and landed at an angle, leaning precariously against the sofa.  Fluffibutt dropped off onto the sofa. Well, he pulled out of that one, but he's still in trouble folks!  It's a long jump to go anywhere from here.  Is this the end for everyone's favorite athlete? Taking a running start along the back of the sofa, Fluffibutt launched himself towards a plant stand, ricocheted off the side, leaving it rocking, and landed dangling by his front claws from the back of the elderly lady's armchair. And he's back in it.  Brilliant move!  OMIGOD!  HE'S LAUNCHED HIMSELF FROM THE HUMAN'S HEAD!  HE'S LAUNCHED HIMSELF FROM THE HUMAN'S HEAD!!  What agility!  What daring! "What in the blazes do you think you're doing?  What's wrong with you?  Are you insane??" Fluffibutt landed atop the bookcase and ran delicately along the edge of the shelf.  He reached the end and leapt, his tail sweeping a pair of figurines to the floor.  His flying leap carried him to the top of the side window.  Hummingbirds darted away from the feeder outside as he slid down the curtain.  He hit the bottom sill with a thump, pushed off with his hind legs and sailed back through the kitchen door, coming to a sliding halt on the linoleum. He's done it!  He's done it!  Another world record run for Fluffibutt!  Five jumps, one ricochet, two saves and only a single figurine cracked and all in less than ninety seconds!  The crowd goes wild! "Crazy cat!  Always tearing around, breaking things!  Can't let a body sleep." Grumbling under her breath, Fluffibutt's human circled the living room, stooping arthritically to pick up fallen DVDs, rearranging the lamp and the sofa cushions and straightening the curtains.  Finally she returned to her armchair, blinking sleepily and rubbing her sore head. When she had settled down Fluffibutt crept out of the kitchen and slunk over the arm of the chair and into her lap. "Bad boy," she scolded gruffly.  "First you're bad and then you want me to love you."  Reluctantly, almost against her will, she raised her hand and rubbed his ears and scritched along his backbone.  Purring ecstatically, he stretched himself across her lap and closed his eyes.  In just a few moments they were both asleep. And here we are at the Feline X-Games.  Our first event is coming up.  Yes, folks, it's EXTREME Napping!  And our leading contender is the world's greatest athlete, FLUFFIBUTT . . . The End

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